Another wonderful entry NOT WRITTEN BY ME.
IF you have been trying to keep up with my blog, you’ll know that my blog is a mixture of both my writings and other’s. The point of this blog is as stated many times previously, to challenge perspective. The point is to let people into our deepest thoughts in hopes to change attitudes and actions. The actual narrative (person) is not the focus of the intention rather that the narrative will change one’s own mindset and personal reality.
With that being said, I feel very honored to be trusted with friends and complete strangers most vulnerable thoughts and emotions. So please have respect as we continue on this journey together.
Below you will find this weeks entry about a very addictive drug.
Have you ever thought slowly? Danced slowly? Walked slowly? How about lived slowly? That’s how it feels carrying around an extra 100 pounds. Nothing is easy anymore. Every step is hard, life is hard.
I never noticed the physical weight gaining on my body. I more so noticed it in my actions. I stopped wearing socks bc it became harder to bend over. I chose the easy slip on Grandma- style shoe over the cute new nikes, I chose the extra stretchy black leggings over the cowgirl jeans with the bling on them, I even chose to be the one who takes everyone’s photos but never gets caught on the other side of the camera. I noticed myself huffing and puffing trying to keep up with everyone as they walked many strides in front of me. Why are they walking so fast?
Days passed, weeks passed, months passed, now it had been a year since I told myself I’ll start Monday. Why couldn’t I ever start Monday?! This has taken complete control over my life. And the only thing I can do about it is cry… and eat.
It’s hard to believe someone when they say they don’t know how to lose weight. You just have to burn more calories than you Intake and let time do it’s thing and there you have it. But my heart isn’t ready to race with every flight of stairs and my mind isn’t ready to give up on this for the one hundredth time.
I don’t want to do anything. And there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about that. Every night I set new goals, new hopes, new dreams. And by morning that’s just what they are, dreams.
But my biggest fear isn’t that I’ll never end up losing the weight.. it’s having to admit to myself and to my loved ones what my life has become because I couldn’t ever get myself to lose the fricken weight.
I have meralgia paresthetica. Never heard of that before? Me either, until I woke up one day feeling like my left thigh was on actual fire. And I mean sizzling with flames, hot embers, black smoke, FIRE. Turns out it’s a burning/numbness that normally occurs when your fat blocks the nerves that lead to the sensation of your skin. It hurts me the most around bedtime. As I lay there trying to ignore the burning pain that has become my life and my thigh I just think.. no one ever told me this part of being overweight. No one ever mentioned this happening from being fat.
Everyone is afraid of the F word. Not me. I know that I’m fat. So how can I know this and not do anything about it? Is this what addiction feels like? But isn’t the first step acceptance? I don’t know which way to turn anymore. How many times can you be told to just “ go to the gym” before you quit asking your family for advice. Do they not hear my cries for help? Do they not care that being obese can cause just as many health problems as drugs can? Do I ?
I’ve never been alone in anything in my life before. My dads death, I had my sisters. My moms addictions, I had my family. Schooling, I had my friends. But with this I am alone. I am so alone.
So next time before you ask your fat friend to go to Taco Bell ask yourself, am I enabling their lifestyle? Do I love them enough to skip fast food? Because sometimes even the strongest person has 0 self control. Bringing up their lifestyle and weight could be uncomfortable for you. But it could also be what saves their life. Both physically and emotionally.
Anytime plans are made my mind rushes to wether or not my new body can handle it. Can I handle a whole day of walking at cedar point? Am I comfortable sharing a room with people when I’ve developed this horrible snoring habit? Can I go to the beach when the only thing I’m comfortable wearing is leggings and a hoodie? And I know my friends see right through my cliché excuses when my answer to all of those questions is NO.
This weight has been weighing on me. And I’m exhausted.
I absolutely love this writer’s call to action
So next time before you ask your fat friend to go to Taco Bell ask yourself, am I enabling their lifestyle?
After reading that, it stopped me in my tracks and my mind quickly raced back through life time of events.
So get this, SOME fat ((Yes, I can call this writer this as they called themselves it. The power of speaking reality, facing it for what it is and moving towards a more intentional future)) people don’t want you to enable their habits. Who would have thunk……
Thank you so much for sharing!! ❤
Journey to a Genuine Destiny 
Leave a comment